


we're getting there, slowly.

by ye0rrmine



Category: NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at angst, Attempt at humour, Based on Love Simon, Cliche, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Making Out, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, basketballer jaehyun, dotae are bestfriends, implied doyu, jaehyun's secretly a dork, mostly unedited, online dating kinda?, panicked gay taeyong, popular jaehyun, slow burn but the author's impatient, taeyong and yerim are siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-02 12:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19199149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ye0rrmine/pseuds/ye0rrmine
Summary: seoulboy, 1:56am| jyngh jsehyin s sp fu vkjng hot omgtaeyong finds out the guy he's been talking to for months is secretly jung jaehyun. basketball star, worshipped by all AND secretly gay.taeyong's also secretly gay, but it won't be a secret for much longer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!
> 
> this is my first ever fic on ao3. i've wrote before but i would either upload it on wattpad or i won't upload it all. 
> 
> commenting some constructive criticism would be very much appreciated! 
> 
> another thing to mention is, the concept is slightly based off of love, simon. so there will be some references/similarities in here but you don't need to read the book or watch the movie at all before reading this if you haven't. 
> 
> thank you,  
> \- moon.

taeyong doesn't consider himself to be special. in all ways possible, taeyong considers himself to be a normal teenager that blends in, just the way he likes it. he lives in a good neighbourhood with parents who were highschool sweethearts, a sister that he actually likes (unless she's belting out songs in her room or running lines at the dinner table for whatever play she was starring in this time) and he mustn't forget to mention his beloved dog, ruby.

as if his life couldn't seem any more pristine, for his birthday, he upgraded from a rundown, choppily painted and barely repaired truck to a subaru outback that hasn't been used yet. since taeyong's no longer driving up to school in black puffs of smoke, he became the official carpool driver for his three bestfriends. two of them, doyoung and seulgi. he's known them since he could walk and the other, irene. he's known her since she transferred last semester but he could still tell her everything just like he can tell the former.

well, not everything.

taeyong's not a secretive person. there was just this one unsaid exception that he was too afraid to admit.

casper, 12:34pm  
|what's on your mind right now? 

casper. 

there was casper. he's told him everything. they've talked since the start of senior year. they "met" on the school's confession site when casper had anonymously expressed the struggles of coming out as gay and as someone who could relate, taeyong immediately got in contact. they emailed constantly and eventually exchanged phone numbers to talk as much as possible. despite their real identities being unknown, taeyong felt like he could trust casper with his life. 

seoulboy, 12:36pm  
|i'm thinking that cook linda is  
missing one too many sparkly blue  
plastic nails and that there's  
one too many students  
gagging on their mystery meat.

|honestly, the school already  
has a myriad of problems but  
it doesn't hurt to get rid of a cook  
that constantly fails to meet the  
health and safety guidelines.

casper, 12:37pm  
|yikes. linda's plastic blue nails have  
never looked good.

seoulboy, 12:37pm  
|never.

casper, 12:38pm  
|so, you're in the lunch hall?

seoulboy, 12:38pm  
|ding ding ding!

casper, 12:38pm  
|guess where i am then

seoulboy, 12:39pm  
|oh, i wonder where the great  
shakespeare nerd is,  
could it be... the library?

casper, 12:38pm  
|did you just generalise shakespeare  
fans as some sad losers that eat  
lunch in the library?

|i could be really hot you know;)  
if only you just agreed to meet...

seoulboy, 12:40pm  
|soon.

"hey, earth to taeyong." 

taeyong finally looked up, after a long minute of smiling stupidly at his phone and doyoung calling for him whilst muttering inbetween taeyong completely ignoring him things like 'what's he got on his phone that's more interesting than me?' 'did taeyong get a girlfriend?' 'this idiot, i-'. 

"oh, hmm?" taeyong said, turning off his phone's screen just before seulgi could peer over his shoulder to see his text conversation with casper, to which the girl groaned at her failure.

"i asked you, if you could go to the library with me." doyoung said, not even bothering to conceal his annoyance. "i need this book for debate club and it's almost our next period so we could go there together right after."

"oh yeah, sure."

the two made their way to the library, having what was once a calm conversation that turned into a heated debate because every conversation taeyong and doyoung had turned into an arguement, even if it was about the dumbest things.

"water's not wet you numbskull." doyoung snapped. "wet is an adjective, the word wet derives from the word water therefore it by itself cannot be wet-"

"i never said that water was wet." taeyong protested. "i asked if water could be described as wet. that's completely different."

"you never said that. just admit that your IQ is minus two." 

the two glared at one another before breaking into mellow laughter that echoed throughout the hallway because the hallway leading up to the library is the only hallway that's ever empty. the two teenagers turned the corner to the red double doors to the school library.

however, before taeyong could push open the doors, another person from the other side had pushed it open from their side and walked out of room. immediately, taeyong saw who they were; jung jaehyun. the school's famous basketball star and heartthrob to both boys and girls, but unfortunately for the former,

jaehyun was the biggest het ever. 

jaehyun was six feet of perfect. slender but well built like he was sculpted by the gods themselves. he had feathery brown hair that he had a reputation for always running his fingers through and it would always fall back into place without fault. taeyong thought jaehyun was flawless, from his glowing white complexion to his chiseled cheeks. sadly he was just a dream to girls and a non-fiction fantasy to the pining gays.

the god- jaehyun smiled politely before stepping aside and holding the door open for taeyong and doyoung. taeyong quietly mumbled a 'thank you' whereas doyoung maintained a blank face and a baleful glare as they scooted into the library. 

"i can't believe someone like him was in the library." doyoung said once they were inside, taeyong just following doyoung so he can get what he needed.

"don't say that about someone who just held a door open for you." taeyong gasped. 

"he's upholding a good image."

"you're so close minded, oh my god." taeyong shook his head. 

only fifteen more minutes until taeyong's sister's theatre rehearsal finished and he could finally go home.  
it was now the afternoon, classes had already finished but because taeyong's sister didn't have neither a driving license or a car, taeyong had to wait up an hour at school so they could go home together. there wasn't any point in going home if he was only going to drive back to school ten minutes later. to pass time, taeyong blasted music in his car. there weren't many people lingering in school other than the basketball team, afterschool clubs and of course the students in play rehearsal - the category his sister fell in. taeyong nodded his head and danced with his arms as if he was experiencing a spasm along with screaming along to the lyrics and improvising adlibs with an obnoxious falsetto.  

knock knock.

taeyong felt his heart hesitate a few seconds before it began hammering against his ribcage. he lowered the volume of the music before unrolling the car window. he pivoted around, his face as red as his car and an embarrassed smile etched on his scarlet face. 

"uh, hi." 

it was jung fucking jaehyun. 

jung jaehyun, crouched over and peering into taeyong's car with a small amiable smile. he was in his basketball jersey and shorts but he had his black denim jacket ontop. it was evident that jaehyun was fresh out of basketball practise with his wet hair that stuck to his forehead and the faint stench of sweat and odour. taeyong could see his features now he was much closer, the natural contour of his cheeks, his cheeks that dipped into dimples near his lips and the soft wrinkles around his nose as he smiled.

"music's loud." he stated, gesturing with his hand towards the stereo.

"uh... sorry about that. i'll turn it down." taeyong apologised whilst averting his eyes to the dashboard of his car and everywhere other than jaehyun's gentle stare. 

"oh no, i'm not complaining!" jaehyun shook his head with a chuckle. "i was just going to ask, was that brenton wood you were playing?"

taeyong turned to look at jaehyun, a dumbfounded look was plastered all over his face before he slowly pulled his lips into a smile and nodded. 

"you like his music?" 

"i love it, i'm surprised to find another classics fan from my school." jaehyun said with a soft laugh. 

"trust me, it surprised me more." taeyong said quietly. the laughter soon died down when jaehyun stood up straight and politely gestured with his hand goodbye. 

"hey, it was cool talking to you." he said.  
"cute singing, by the way." he added before walking away, most likely to his own car somewhere else in the parking lot. taeyong let out breath as if he'd been holding it in throughout the entire interaction. 

he just couldn't believe it actually happened.

casper, 17:56pm  
|you know i was serious  
about us meeting.

seoulboy, 17:58pm  
|i know, just wait  
someday we'll meet and  
we can listen to old music  
together and you can read  
your shakespeare to me.

|how does that sound?  
   
casper, 17:59pm  
|sounds great.  
|of course i'll wait, darling.

"taeyong!"

taeyong looked up from where he was sitting on his bed, towards his bedroom door that he had left open for some reason (probably because he forgot to close the door again) to see his younger sister, yerim, standing just on the threshold wearing her mustard yellow bathrobe with her hair wrapped into a red towel over her head.

"shower's free." she stated before walking further into taeyong's room. it was clear that she wasn't there just to tell him that. 

"you look like a french fry, sis." taeyong  
commented. "what's up?" he questioned whilst the sophomore girl sat down on the edge of taeyong's bed, pursing her lips in thought.

"well..." the girl drawled, dragging the last consonant out with a change of tone. "should i wear a wig or cut my hair for cabaret? i'm playing sally bowles and i want to look just like her!" she smiled enthusiastically. 

"no, wig, and that's not what you wanted to tell me!" taeyong frowned, his sister may be a thespian but taeyong knew her. he was her brother, therefore he knows when she's lying or not, even if the drama teacher did praise her for being an amazing actress.

"fine. alex thinks you're cute and wants to go out with you." she admitted with a defeated sigh. immediately, taeyong perked up, brown eyes gaped open. yerim has always had friends and classmates coming to her to ask about taeyong and maybe even get her to confess for them. obviously, taeyong's turned them down, all of them. however, taeyong's never heard about a boy wanting to date him. 

afterall, there was only one out gay student in their school and that was some thai-american student who's name was too complicated to say or spell so everyone referred to him as ten. but even before he did come out, it was already clear that he was everything but not straight; from the way that he dressed, his mannerisms and all of his closest friends were girls that would ask him for advice on fashion. when he did come out, his friends deserved an oscar award for acting like the evident  
was not so evident. 

taeyong would have felt slightly assured that if he did come out, he wouldn't be the only one. nevertheless, taeyong was still too afraid of the negative, even ten got some immature and rude insults but there was a big difference between ten and taeyong. ten fires right back to opposers like a rubber band, snapping and stinging whereas taeyong was a piece of paper that broke apart easily.

if they were types of fires, ten would be a wild fire that needed days to be taken out; bright, dark, roaring flames that grew from every bit thrown at it. he was a force to be reckoned with and taeyong, a candle that could be extinguished by a little baby who doesn't even understand what the word "blow" even means.

"you know, alex baker? pretty blonde hair and green eyes. short, so she's perfect for you. she's even got cute little freckles."

there went the excitement.

"oh." taeyong sighed. "tell her i think she's pretty but i'm not interested."

"are you serious? you make me tell that to all of the girls?" yerim huffed in protest. 

"you want me to say she's ugly?"

"no! this is like the fiftieth girl you've turned down this year. you're already a senior too." yerim said. "just give it a try." she implored with a pleading look in her eyes. 

"look yeri, i promise i'll be dating someone by the time i'm in college! stop worrying you big loony." taeyong assured his sister and patting the top of her towel wrapped head.

"alright." yeri nodded, not quite convinced but satisfied with her older brother's answer. "i mean, you're not into boys are you?"

taeyong hesistated. 

"no. i'm not."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i like the way you love me."

"don't forget! tomorrow night, we're watching yerim in that play, what was it... cabbage rat?" 

"cabaret, dad." taeyong corrected, swinging his bag over his shoulder. 

"ah there you go! cabaret." his father clapped his hands together. "cancel all your plans. you got to watch with me and your mom." 

"bold of you to assume i have plans." taeyong said whilst grabbing his keys from the hook on the wall beside the front door.

"that's the problem. get yourself a girlfriend, man." his father remarked. taeyong pulled a face before shaking his head, greeting his father goodbye and leaving the house. his father was always the try-hard cool dad, which was a strong contrast to taeyong's mother who was strict, strongly opinionated but kind. it must have been a great shock for their friends and family when they got together in highschool and an even greater shock when they continued that relationship up to college and got married. 

both taeyong's parents are korean, however his father was born and raised in atlanta and his mother migrated here when she was five. which is why his screen name is 'seoulboy', because seoul is where his mother's from.

"doyoung, can you hurry up and pick a song already?" seulgi whined from the backseat. it was 7:46 am, by now doyoung, seulgi and irene were in taeyong's car and they were finally on their way to school. doyoung had gotten bored of the music taeyong was playing and had taken over the aux cord. 

"can you not rush me? i'm trying to find billie eilish." doyoung snapped at the girl as he continued scrolling unsuccessfully through his phone.

"we share spotify accounts, it's full of billie eilish!" seulgi claimed, if it hadn't been for their seatbelts the two would be at each other's throats. irene face palmed at the two. 

"what song are you looking for?" taeyong intervened with a deep sigh, a tiny little urge deep inside of him wanted to kick the two out of his car and drive off to school with irene only. it was very tempting. but the two knew where he lived, it's too much of a risk.

"wish you were gay."

taeyong smiled weakly and nodded in acknowledgment to doyoung's answer before focusing on the road and completely fading away the sound of the bickering in the car and the annoyed remarks that irene made inbetween every silence doyoung and seulgi made as they thought of an insult to say that topped the previous. 

the two grew tired of arguing soon enough and not long after they arrived at school, they parked and followed the river of other students that made their way through the school doors and from there they split and taeyong was left with irene to walk to his history lesson with. 

although irene was much more quiet than doyoung and seulgi, she was just as great company. sometimes, more comfortable to be around than the latter. doyoung makes nearly anything into a debate most of the time and seulgi makes jokes about everything, irene was both humorous and mature. her presence was somewhat therapeutic to taeyong. 

another thing about irene was that she always seemed to pick up on everything. there was a time, months ago, taeyong scored badly on a test and despite only knowing the boy for a month - give or take - she noticed the lack of spark in taeyong when the rest celebrated their high scores and she noticed how deflated he looked even when he pulled  the corner of his lips into a wide smile when she asked if he was alright.

irene just knows. a part of taeyong hopes that she already knows that he's gay. 

only because that's one less person to tell.

"due to your unacceptable behaviour last lesson, i have devised a new seating plan." their history teacher, mrs chambers stated with a stern look on her middle-aged face, frown visible under her grey bangs. she glanced around the room, making everyone feel guilty. taeyong and irene nervously glanced at eachother, knowing that they would be separated and they were.

the teacher began calling out their names in alphabetical order and pointing to the seat that would be theirs for the rest of the year. irene was one of the first names to be called out, she was placed at the front next to a poster with the timeline of the english monarchy and was soon joined by a boy named sicheng.

when it finally came to taeyong's name he was put near the back, right next to jung jaehyun. 

"hey! it's you, car singer." he said with a dimpled grin. taeyong could only answer with a quiet 'hi'. jaehyun didn't say anything else and taeyong didn't mind; he was bad at making conversation.

a few minutes later, mrs chambers set the task of writing a news article about martin luther king's 'i have a dream' speech from a prejudice person's point of view. taeyong found this particular task difficult because he was being graded for a work where he has to purposely disrespect a good person. 

he eventually got on with his work, the hardest part for taeyong was titling his work, so he always left that for last. when the dreaded long hour of silence and writing came to an end, the class began to pack up as the lesson came to an end. 

"hey, taeyong. can i quickly see what you wrote?" jaehyun asked, their teacher was collecting their work, starting from the front. taeyong didn't say anything more before sliding his workbook over at jaehyun's request and watched cautiously as his eyes flickered through his article. he noticed jaehyun's eyes constantly return to the title of the article and immediately taeyong started revising what may have been wrong with it. he titled it "myriads of mad, martin luther king", perhaps he made lots of spelling errors and jaehyun was judging how stupid he was, taeyong thought. 

just before mrs chambers could swipe their work away, jaehyun stared at the title one more time as if it was written in a foreign language before looking back at taeyong.

"thanks, taeyong." jaehyun said before gathering his belongs and heading out of the classroom.

"guys, anything wrong with the word 'myriad'?" taeyong questioned his friends.

it was now after school. the group of them had retired to the diner a few blocks from school and a few minutes after the bubblegum chewing waitress took their orders, taeyong brought up his question after a silence that followed their previous conversation about seulgi's grandma.

"myriads?" irene rose a brow.

"who even uses that word?" seulgi added.

"taeyong and taeyong only." doyoung concluded. 

"it makes me sound smart." taeyong claimed and the other three shared a few chuckles. taeyong shook his head frustratedly and turned away, glancing everywhere around the room to distract himself. 

the diner was their favourite hangout. even if the burgers were bland and the fries were rigid, they kept coming back here. it was usually empty and they all valued the comfort of being able to hear their own conversations and the music that was playing. taeyong's favourite part of the diner was the jukebox. actually, the whole diner was retro-themed, as if it was frozen in time with the red, leather-padded booths and checkered floor. the 80's style jukebox was the cherry on top. 

the small, silver bell that hung on the door chimed and what followed the sharp sound was a group of six, three boys and three girls. all three girls were in green and yellow cheerleading outfits, two of the boys were in matching varsity jackets and the other was merely wearing a red hoodie. 

surprise surprise, it was jaehyun and friends (and some random cheerleaders, i guess).

taeyong wasn't shocked. their school practically adopted the diner, by now taeyong was convinced that the employee's salary was 86% from the students at their school. infact they weren't the only customers there that were students from the same school; there was a study group curled up in a corner testing eachother with flashcards, a pair reciting lines from cabaret and some sophmore try-hard trying to flirt with the waitress. 

the group sat a few booths away from where taeyong's group sat (to doyoung's dismay) and taeyong saw clear enough to distinguish the small wave and smile that jaehyun sent his direction.

the music on the jukebox stoppped and taeyong was quick to stand up and excuse himself to the said music-playing object and searched through the songs. it wasn't long until a presence was behind him, he assumed it was seulgi or doyoung asking him to choose a particular song until they spoke.

"i'm gonna take a guess and say you're looking for some brenton?" jaehyun expressed, smiling with dimples, wrinkles and all. 

"yes, i'm always in the mood for his music." taeyong stated, staring perplexedly at the jukebox. "i just don't know which song to pick."

"i like the way you love me." 

taeyong froze before lifting his head up and regrettably making eye contact with jaehyun who was just staring back at him with a shit-eating grin.

"the song." he continued. "you should play that." the taller gestured towards the jukebox.

"oh, yeah. that one." taeyong nodded and kept his head down this time as his face heated up in embarrassment. 

seoulboy, 23:56pm  
|AHKGHISJLG

casper, 23:57pm  
|uh oh, you keyboard smashed.  
|tis' not a good sign, what's wrong?

seoulboy, 23:57pm  
|i am just so LOST  
|stressed  
|confused  
|:(

casper, 23:58pm  
|try sleeping, love  
|i heard it helps.

seoulboy, 23:58pm  
|there was something i wanted to tell you though!

casper, 23:58pm  
|tell me another time.  
|now sleep, or else.

seoulboy, 23:59pm  
|fine. goodnight c. 

casper, 23:59pm  
|good night, sweet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you lose some you gain some.

taeyong was never a claustrophobic person. but clad in a white button up that his parents forced him to wear for the occasion instead of his usual hoodie-graphic tshirt style and crammed in a room full of people during a humid evening watching a poorly - no offense to yerim - constructed highschool production that was made up of pitchy singing, awkward acting and wardrobe malfunctions.

taeyong decided it was enough for him and that he needed to get away from these uncomfortable conditions as quickly as possible. he made up the excuse of needing the restroom when his mother asked where he was going. luckily, they had chosen a seat at the back row so he wasn't disturbing anyone by blocking their view when he stood up. unluckily, his family had decided to sit at the very middle of the row (because they wanted the best angle to film the action). eventually, after scooting past legs, bags and annoyed mutters, he was finally free from the packed auditorium. 

taeyong revelled in the fresh air of the hallway that fortunately had open windows. the production was supposed to be two hours long and he only managed to survive half an hour of it.

half an hour was enough for taeyong. there was no way he was going back in there, however, taeyong didn't take his car and so he can't drive home and he can't walk back home either; it takes a minimum of ten minutes driving to get to school, it should take atleast an hour to walk. not to mention, it was dark outside. 

taeyong sat down on the pale linoleum floor and tried to get as comfy as possible against the wall and sat on the hard floor. he tried to pass time by texting casper but they seemed to be busy and after fifteen minutes or so, taeyong's ass was already numb from sitting on the tough floor. 

"hey, taeyong. what are you doing here?" 

taeyong looked up instantly and regretted it immediately. it was jung jaehyun; hair slick and glossy with sweat, even his face was shiny but it only made his cheekbones more prominent and he was sporting a white hoodie and sweats, yet he still looked so attractive. when it came to jung jaehyun, once you look, you can never look away. taeyong's made that mistake multiple times but he never seems to learn from it.

after a silent few seconds. jaehyun took note of how taeyong was staring at him before speaking again,

"sorry, i'm all sweaty." he began. "i just got out from tonight's basketball game." 

"no! it's okay." taeyong said quickly. too quickly.

"you weren't at the game." that didn't sound like a question.

"no, i am- well was watching my sister's play." taeyong replied. "it's not exactly her play, she's just acting in it. the play's called cabaret. how was the game by the way?" taeyong hated how nervous he sounded when he rambled, he just kept his gaze down at the linoleum floors and praying to the heavens that he wouldn't turn bright red just from talking to jaehyun. 

"cabaret? i've read what it's about but i've never seen it." jaehyun said interestedly. "also, i don't usually spoil what happens during games but because you asked so nicely; we won against the other school."

"next time, you should come and watch. i'd like to see you there." jaehyun added. taeyong didn't pray hard enough to the heavens because he could feel heat travel up to his face and if he was red enough he might just be able to see his scarlet face through the shiny floors.

"we'll see." atleast he didn't stutter.

"so why are you here and not inside watching your sister acting?" 

"i got too hot and uncomfortable in there." taeyong explained. "so i'm stuck here for another hour and half because i don't have my car at the moment." 

"do you live nearby?" the taller questioned.

"ten minutes by car, why?"

"i'll drive you home."

no matter how hard taeyong insisted that it was too kind of a gesture for him to accept he still ended up in the passenger seat of jaehyun's white nissan sentra. the basketballer wouldn't take 'no' as an answer and that's why taeyong's there, in a car, with the school's most good-looking guy ever.

"you can plug in the aux cord to your phone if you'd like." jaehyun said to break the ice.

taeyong didn't argue and did exactly that before putting his music on shuffle and letting whatever play. he had already texted his mother beforehand to inform her that he would be going home with a friend and he hoped a little on the inside that she would refuse the idea so he wouldn't be here in this position.

after a ten minute drive that felt like ten years, jaehyun had driven up to taeyong's neighbourhood (with taeyong providing directions, of course.) up to his house and into his driveway.

"thank you, jaehyun." taeyong said. "i can pay you back if you'd like-"

"i'm not a taxi, taeyong. just doing you a favour." he smiled. those damn dimples.

"i'll see you later, then." taeyong said, unbuckling his seatbelt and just before he could open the door wide enough to fit through, jaehyun grabbed a hold of his arm.

"wait." he started. "tomorrow night. lucas' throwing a party and said we can bring plus ones. are you up for it?"

"why don't you ask one of your friends?"

"because all of them are already invited." he explained. "it'll be fun. possibly, a bit more fun with you. we're history seat buddies, right?"

"it's a trap." doyoung told him the next day. 

taeyong invited the boy over, originally planning to play videogames together and not for this lecture. the video game controllers lay discarded on the floor infront of the tv and the menu theme song of whatever game was on the screen was constantly replaying and each time getting more and more on taeyong's nerves. 

"you shouldn't go." doyoung insisted.

"but i already said yes." taeyong said.  
this is why taeyong didn't want to tell him this, but doyoung's too smart and taeyong's too obvious when he's hiding something. in response, doyoung scoffed.

"so? ditch, or cancel when he shows up at your front door."

"actually i'm walking to his house. he's not going to leave until i get there." taeyong began. "and so what if i do go? nothing's going to change."

doyoung rolled his eyes at that.

"no, something is going to change and that's you becoming the biggest joke of the school because you trusted some guy you barely know over your bestfriend and let yourself go to that dumb party with no-good people!" doyoung deterred, raising his voice, taeyong did the same in return.

"alright, kim dongyoung. i've had enough of you being such a close-minded asshole." he began. "i'm so sorry, yuta left you for that group of people. replaced you for 'better' people but that was freshman year, i bet you thirty other people went through the exact same thing! but that was the past, history! you lose people important to you and you also gain some. so what if you lost your middle school bestfriend? that doesn't make jaehyun or johnny or lucas or any other one of his friends bad. so get your head out or your ass, okay?" 

everything seemed to just fly out of his mouth, like bullets shooting out quickly before you aim at the target and it's too late to fix. that's what it was like, taeyong's just shot doyoung and he can't take it back.

"you know, these days taeyong your focus has mainly been on your phone or jung jaehyun. how do i know you're not planning to replace me too?" doyoung began, his voice was quiet and weak. "and it's funny you say that." there was no humour in his voice as he said this whilst walking to the front door of taeyong's house, the latter following suit.

"all that shit about history and 'you lose some you gain some'," he deadpanned. "this is history. have a good life, lee taeyong."

then it was over. doyoung made sure to slam the door loudly before leaving.

seoulboy, 12:58pm  
|cqslper;:., s re you the re ,;*?? 

casper, 13:00pm  
|are you drunk?

seoulboy, 13:02pm  
|no , nof drunl j ust creiyng to o harf yo see

casper, 13:02  
|crying??  
|ta  
|i mean, love, are you alright? 

seoulboy, 13:05  
|og coirse not  
|i thinj i hust lost mu bestfrieng  
|i donf kmow whaf to do  
|its my fayult

casper, 13:06  
|i'm so sorry, baby.  
|it will feel like that, yes. deep breaths, okay?  
|you should talk to him when you're in a better state of mind. for now, don't do anything stupid.

don't do anything stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some soft jaeyong before the dotae arguement ._.
> 
> well now you know why doyoung doesn't like jaehyun or any of his friends.
> 
> also, what do you think is going to happen next?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does he know that you're gay?

"what are you doing here?"

jung jaehyun was standing at his doorstep, completely conflicting their original plans of taeyong going to the former's house instead. but here he was dressed in a grid navy blue shirt with the two top buttons undone, paired with a black denim jacket and ripped jeans. 

"i wanted to make sure you were alright." he said. "alright to go to the party." 

"what made you think i wasn't alright?" taeyong rose a brow. 

"so you're still going?" jaehyun didn't answer his question. "if you don't want to you don-"

"oh, i'm going." taeyong said, his tone clear and definite. "infact, i was just about to go to your house." he added. 

"and you're going wearing white?" 

taeyong was dressed in the same button up he had worn to yerim's performance because he didn't have anything that he considered 'good enough' for parties, he did have a collection of oversized hoodies and graphic t-shirts but things could get messy and he doesn't want to ruin one of his prized hoodies or look terribly underdressed in one of his t-shirts. taeyong wants to look unrecognisable, in a good way. 

infact, taeyong deserves an award for managing to look so okay after spending the last three hours crying. his puffy red eyes were gone, unnoticeable and his black hair that he usually left untouched was styled into a wet-looking quiff.

taeyong looked good and now he just needed to feel good.

"it's the only nice thing i have." 

"i'm pretty sure that's not true." jaehyun started. "but if you say so, let's go back to my house. i probably have a spare shirt you can wear because that white shirt will not make it out alive, especially in a party being hosted by lucas wong." 

"i'll go look for something, wait."

they were now in jaehyun's house and in his bedroom. the latter was now searching for a shirt that will both fit taeyong and look great on taeyong. in the mean time, taeyong couldn't help but to look around jaehyun's room, which surprisingly was more organized than expected; his bed was incredibly neat, not a single poster on his wall was lopsided or slightly tilted to an angle and every trophy on his shelf (that taeyong noticed was for both basketball and piano) was shiny and dusted.

however what had caught his attention the most was jaehyun's bookshelf that was entirely filled from top to bottom with shakespeare.

"here put this on." jaehyun said, reverting taeyong's attention back onto himself as he held out a hanger with a deep scarlet red button up. it looked magnificent on it's own and it probably looked a million times better on jaehyun that taeyong didn't feel worthy to wear such a shirt.

"jaehyun, i can't wear that." taeyong shook his head as he gazed a flowy, flame-like item of clothing. 

"you're eighteen, i'm pretty sure you know how to dress yourself. why need me to help you?" jaehyun said, his grin teasing before ushering him on again.

"put it on."

as he walked into the party with jaehyun and in jaehyun's expensive looking shirt, he felt like a piece of bronze that was painted gold and was being presented to royalty, albeit the "royalty" were the other guests at the party whom didn't seem to notice or to care. nonetheless, taeyong had some irrational self-consciousness that someone would suddenly call him out for being a fraud. 

"ah, jaehyun you made it!" a loud and slurred voice called out, approaching was lucas wong with a beer in one hand and a girl in the other. taeyong knew lucas, who didn't? he was the loudest guy in the school (although, there was this freshman kid named chenle who was challenging his title). he was loud even when he was sober but he was a walking megaphone when he was drunk, taeyong learnt. 

"lucas, you know taeyong? he's my plus one."

lucas's eyes travelled to taeyong and his intoxicated smile widened. "great to meet you, taeyong and this is..." he turned to the girl that was just as intoxicated as he was clinging to his arm. "pfft... who knows." he said carelessly.

"anyways, welcome here. go help yourself with whatever." he said before stumbling about with the girl elsewhere. jaehyun started walking and taeyong followed suit like a lost duckling until they were at the lounge which jaehyun told him was "where the party really starts". taeyong didn't understand what he meant until he saw the coffee table infront of the couch that had red plastic cups and all sorts of bottles of beer splayed out. 

"yuta, johnny! you know taeyong right?" jaehyun said greeting the two said persons with some handshake of theirs. the two glanced in taeyong's direction with endearing smiles on their faces.

"we went to the same middle school." yuta spoke.

"and you're in my biology class right?" johnny said. taeyong could only nod to what both of them said and sat down only when jaehyun sat down. taeyong tried not to look unnerved as he observed the alcohol on the table. the one time he's drank was at his uncle's wedding last summer, even so it was only one glass of wine.

taeyong watched as they casually talked and laughed and drank. he guessed, he might have been staring too much because they then asked him, 

"taeyong, do you drink?"

"he doesn't. he can drink a soda." jaehyun intervened. taeyong observed and didn't like the way yuta and johnny gave him the kind of smiles you'd give a naive little child that just asked his parents where babies came from.

it was a quick move. even taeyong didn't realise it until it was done. taeyong had grabbed the plastic cup that johnny was offering to him and chugged down half of the liquid inside.

"i do now." he answered and felt a little proud when he saw the three of them's stunned faces. he thought beer was fucking disgusting, but of course he didn't express that vocally as he sipped the unpleasant tasting drink every now and then and pretended to like it. 

jaehyun was right. this was where the party really starts. 

after another three cups of beer, taeyong eventually grew accustomed to the strong and bitter taste. he was now sat on the edge of a deck chair outside, beside the pool, watching jaehyun and johnny compete against yuta and some other guy to beer pong. taeyong was enjoying himself, even if he was sitting out on the sidelines and watching. the party was a good distraction to the previous events that have happened.

"mind if i sit?"

taeyong looked up and was surprised to see ten, carrying two bottles of beer. his hair was a soft lilac, he was wearing a black, see through lace shirt that exposed alot of his chest and taeyong could see traces of makeup on his face. taeyong simply nodded and gestured to the deck chair beside him and the other sat down. ten and taeyong weren't exactly friends, they had a few classes together and though they never talked they acknowledged eachother during lessons together or ten would flash a smile at him as they passed one another in the corridor.

"first time drinking?"

"first time at this kind of party." taeyong answered honestly with a laugh.

"it's obvious." ten stated with a chuckle. "you're drinking your beer like it's afternoon tea, you've got to take bigger gulps or it'll get warm and gross."

taeyong glanced at ten who gave him a deterring stare and then back down at his drink. 

"i'm going to regret this." taeyong said before drinking the rest of his drink in one go.

"that's what it's all about."

a yell was heard over at where the ping pong table was located, something along the lines of 'you cheated yuta, you pay!' and when taeyong and ten glanced over, they could see yuta being carried from his hands and feet by jaehyun and johnny, he was manhandled towards the pool where the two tall basketballers threw the squirming japanese into the pool. following a massive splash, a scream and a now cursing yuta; jaehyun and johnny broke into a fit of laughter.

"does he know?" ten suddenly asked.

taeyong's breath hitched and his heart began pouding erratically against his ribcage, before he cautiously replied.

"does who know what?"

"so jaehyun doesn't know." ten said with a knowing grin. "that you're gay." he added. 

"h-how do you know this?"

ten chuckled at this.

"don't worry your pretty head off." ten said. "gays know gays. wanna know who else makes my gaydar go off?"

"who?"

"jung jaehyun."

ten was a terrible influence. taeyong wasn't planning on getting drunk but ten had coaxed him into just one more drink, then one drink became another and another until taeyong forgot how to function his legs and perform the most simple action of walking.

"come on let's get you up, taeyong." ten said, putting the drunk's around his shoulder and an arm around his waist to stabilise the stumbling and intoxicated taeyong.

"y-you know, you have really s-smooth skin, tenny." taeyong slurred, clinging onto the shorter thai boy. "you're so pretty tenny, i would totally date you." the elder giggled. 

"but i won't because..." he continued before leaning in and whispering into the shorter male's ear, "i like jaehyun." he said before giggling like he's just been told the funniest joke. ten merely chuckled, letting the drunken boy have his fun. it wasn't easy, but ten eventually got taeyong back into the house to look for jaehyun despite the older tugging at his arms and the constant swaying side to side.

what was easy, was finding jaehyun because the other had also been on the search for his plus one and when they did taeyong's eyes lit up like a young child at the sight of candy. taeyong immediately detached himself from ten and latched himself onto the basketball star instead. ten excused himself right after, leaving the two. 

"ah, you really drank alot taeyong."

"it's ten's fault. ten's bad." a tipsy smile was on taeyong's face. he yawned and stumbled forward slightly that jaehyun had to steady him by putting his hands on taeyong's shoulders. "let's get you home." 

seoulboy, 2:56am  
| jyngh jsehyin s sp fu vkjng hot omg  
| o  
| i l  
| nlike hin  
| ssdddsssh donrt rell abyone

taeyong had no recollection of the night before when he woke up. he was in his own house, in his own bed and in his own clothes. those were good signs right? 

what weren't good signs was his mouth that reeked of beer breath and his head that felt like he's been hit with metal cymbals. every step to the bathroom was agony, but after a hot bath, brushing his teeth and (lots of) mouthwash, he started to recover from his hangover. 

"good morning or should i say, afternoon?" yerim said once taeyong lugged himself down to the kitchen. 

"what's the time?" taeyong yawned.

"two twenty-three o'clock." yerim said. "you were so lucky last night that mom and dad weren't home yet." 

"w... who took me home then?" taeyong questioned anxiously.

"jung jaehyun."

"and did i do anything stupid?"

"honestly, when do you not?"

it was now four twenty-three o'clock and taeyong was at irene's house. he always confided in her for comfort and deep conversations. the two spent their time painting, an activity they both found very therapeutic. irene always painted intricate and detailed pieces of landscapes whereas taeyong was a little child when it came to painting as he would paint people with pink skin and smiles too wide for their faces and pointy lines for hair. he would paint silly things, once he painted a painting of a man painting a painting of a man (apparently, that was his masterpiece) taeyong still paints a little sun with sunglasses on the corner or his canvas.

"so, are you going to talk about him yet?" irene said, soaking her paint brush in the water and changing paint on to a light shade of pink. 

"who's him." taeyong questioned, trying to paint a blue butterfly until it smudged into a blob and he made it into a balloon instead.

"doyoung." irene answered, not missing a beat.

"no, not really." taeyong said, turning more failed butterflies into balloons. "but there is something i do want to tell you." he added, his voice slow and drawled out.

"which is?"

there was a short pause before taeyong finally said it.

"i'm gay."

other than the sound of white noise that irene's fan emitted, the room was silent. taeyong stared at his ugly painted balloons, too afraid to look at irene. afraid to see a hateful or disapproving look on her face.

"i know." she eventually spoke. 

"you knew? how?" taeyong almost got a whiplash from how quickly he turned to look at her.

"because you just told me." irene said, a warm and glowing smile on her face. "and i'm glad you did. because i want you to know that i love you, no matter who or what you are, taeyong."

"i love you." she repeated.

"i love you too." taeyong replied, a feeling of relief throughout him. he was grateful for this, for irene.

at the end of their painting session, irene's canvas went on the wall and taeyong's went into the trash at his own decision, despite the female's protests. irene was now ordering pizza and taeyong was on his phone. he noticed a an unread message that he never got notified was sent until now. it was from casper.

casper, 3:08am  
|i told you i was really hot;D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah i wrote this instead of revising for my finals oops
> 
> but this was really fun to write and i hope it was just as fun for you to read!
> 
> taeten uwu and taeyong came out to irene!!
> 
> also, for those who don't get the ending of this chapter, go back to the very first chapter and to casper and seoulboy's first text conversation in the book.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm gay, what about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> terribly terribly unproofread !!
> 
> sorry for the wait! i had my end of year exams and then i went to nct's london concert and the post-concert depression was real😔

taeyong thought that he'd be happy about this.

he just found out that the guy he'd been talking to anonymously's identity and that just so happened to be jung jaehyun, and jung jaehyun just so happened to be deathly good looking, popular with a plethora of people attaching themselves to his every word and walk. it was an overwhelming thought that the two guys he liked turned out to be the same person.

it overwhelmed him even more that the guy he pined after was also the guy he and his bestfriend fell out over. 

the universe will never let taeyong have it easy. 

taeyong made it too obvious that he was avoiding jaehyun. when he saw him he'd turn corners to corridors that went to classes he didn't have, pretended he couldn't hear jaehyun calling his name and his messages remained unopened. 

casper, 10:34am  
|taeyong.  
|why are you ignoring me?

casper, 10:56am  
|please answer.

casper, 11:15am  
|wait, is this because you found out i'm jung jaehyun?

"taeyong, are you coming?" 

the latter looked up at seulgi whilst gathering his things.

"i can't, doyoung-"

"you still haven't made up?" seulgi bleated. "this is so stupid. this is the longest you've gone without making up."

"i'm aware." taeyong responded with a weak nod. "just go without me to lunch, please." he pleaded. seulgi let out a defeated sigh before waving the boy goodbye and heading to the lunch hall without him.

everyone would either be at the lunch hall by now, but since today the skies were fortunately blessed with cloud-free sunshine they would be on the campus field and eating their lunch there. so it was just the empty corridors and taeyong left to wander them. 

taeyong has never felt more alone.

"taeyong. can we talk?" 

it was exactly the voice he dreaded to hear. taeyong hated confrontations. he planned to run away from jaehyun until the end of highschool, yes, that was his brilliant plan. he didn't even answer, his eyes darted around the desolate corridors. not a soul in sight. it was just him and jung jaehyun. unfortunately.

"there's no one else here." he stated, seeing the cautious look in taeyong's eyes.

"taeyong, are you avoiding me?"

"pft, no. why would you think that-" taeyong began to guise before what was barely an attempt was shattered by jaehyun's doubtful expression. "yes." he defeatedly admitted.

jaehyun pressed his lips together into a firm line before opening them to speak again.

"i'm sorry. i guess the secret identity reveal was kinda uncalled for." he began. "but, i can't just stay away from you like this."

"wait." jaehyun watched taeyong's eyes expectantly.

"did you know who i was this whole time?" taeyong finally percieved. "is that why you suddenly noticed me? started doing all these things for me? why did you give me your shirt, drive me home, invite me to a party? you knew i was seoulboy all this time, am i right?"

jaehyun responded with a soft chuckle and a small nod, as if he found taeyong's whole revelation amusing.

"h-how did you find out?"

"ever since our first history class. i had my suspicions, but everything made sense when i saw your martin luther-king piece." 

"what do you mean?"

"you're the only person who uses the word 'myriad' constantly. it's like your signature word." he explained. 

the hallways remained silent for a few seconds. whenever the two would talk there would always be those voiceless moments where they could hear the other breathe and it would feel calm and peaceful. those were quiet moments where taeyong would think about how unlucky he was that he was inlove with jaehyun, because he thought he'd never reciprocate his feelings.

but now, they can hear the other breathe and it's not calm and it's not peaceful. all taeyong could think about was how he wants to stop being inlove with jaehyun, and how much he wants his bestfriend back.

"jae-" a lump in taeyong's throat almost stopped him completely from forming any kind of understandable sentence.

"taeyong. i really like you." jaehyun spat out with such urgency, as if he'd been waiting an entire lifetime to say so.

"i really like you too."

"but i shouldn't. not now, atleast." taeyong said, the dynamics in his voice went softer until it touched a whisper, almost like he'd been too afraid to say it. 

the shining jung jaehyun had never looked more crushed. taeyong's seen his worst in years prior, when the team lost to another school because of a fatal mistake he'd made or when one of jaehyun's bestfriends transferred schools but this, this conquered them.

jaehyun always faked a smile, but no such thing was evident on his face. 

there was just a frown. an ugly frown. his gorgeous eyes lost it's lustre to a dull brown. sadness didn't complement his gorgeous face. taeyong wished he could change that.

wished he would smile again.

but he also wished for his bestfriend.

"sorry, i didn't really think it through it was a heat of the moment thing." jaehyun managed to form, trying to chuckle it off.

"i just don't want to world to know i'm gay yet." taeyong began. "i've hid too many things from the people i love, and you're surrounded by people almost all the time it just-"

"-wouldn't work. i get it." 

"i've gotta go now." jaehyun uttered. then he was gone, walking down the desolate hallways without looking behind him. 

 

 

taeyong's sleep was suddenly interrupted by yerim slapping him through the covers. it was the next day and far too early to be awake, yet here yerim was, urgently trying to get him up like it was armageddon.

"taeyong, get up. you need to see this."

"it's only five am." taeyong groggily snaps. "what's so important that you need to wake me?"

"this."

her phone was shoved into his face, his eyes strained at the bright, white light before they could make out what he was actually looking out.

it was an image of jaehyun and taeyong, but jaehyun's back was to the camera. it was a low quality image, clearly taken by someone's phone but his expression was so clear. it must have been shot from around the corner that led to another hallway.

at first, it was just them talking, nothing wrong here. then it was a recording. taeyong remembers when he was younger he used to hate the sound of his voice, he envied the boys in his class that had hit puberty early and tried to make his voice deeper and more husky but it never worked. 

but now, taeyong hates the sound of his voice because of this stupid, poor quality recording of his own voice. everything played was something they've said. and at the same time, they didn't. it was fake. fucking fake. but it was their voices. nothing can prove the fact that they didn't say those things, because it was their voices. except, diabolically tampered and manipulated. perfectly picked and placed to destroy lee taeyong.

"i'm gay."

"i really like you."

"i had my suspicions."

"just stay away."

"there's more." yerim said with a pitiful look as she scrolled down to a low quality image. taeyong's face was  
focused on and defaced with bright red writing that read "dm for warm mouth."

taeyong was mortified. but he didn't cry. not yet.

"is it true?" yerim asked in a small voice.

"yes. yes it's true."

"so that's why you kept turning down all those girls." yerim started. "god, i'm so stupid. i'm your sister, i should have- i'm sorry. did you not tell me because you thought i'd judge and make fun of you? or that i'd disown you as my brother?"

"no. i just wasn't ready." 

"what are you going to do?"

"well. for starters, i'm going to go to school."

 

highschool sucks. whenever you walk down those bothersome, bland hallways you feel like everyone's eyes are on you like a helpless bunny lost in a forest of carnivores, the prey that nothing will take their eyes off. you think the whispers are all about you. that whoever's laughing, they're laughing at you. you think everyone is judging you.

well this was different.

because taeyong is definite that everyone is judging him. he knows everyone's eyes are on him. he knows the whispers are about him. he knows that the laughter is at him. 

the picture that was posted online was stuck to his locker as if people weren't on their phones enough. 

the last thing he needed was for some meathead asshole who thinks they have even the smallest tinge of comedic charm to walk up to him and say the most unoriginal homophobic slur. unfortunately for him, his school was swimming with them. 

everytime he heard some jerk make a remark he felt himself caving in closer and closer. he could feel it. soon his walls would break and he'll fall apart into a pile of dust. it only took a gust of wind and he's gone. no rising from the ashes like phoenixes. taeyong was weak. weak. weak. fucking weak.

just as another genius with a stupid grin approached him with some absolutely 'clever' joke, taeyong was on the edge of a mental breakdown. until he heard a voice. no, it wasn't god or the heavens or the angel or devil on his shoulder. no, it was seulgi. 

"just because he's gay doesn't mean he doesn't have standards." she snapped. voice seething. "with that attitude, you won't get a boy nor a girl to suck your micro dick."

"back off, bitch."

"back off taeyong's sexuality and i'll back off your baby carrot." 

the guy retreated but the attention of passersby lingered. so seulgi shooed them away with a violent wave of her hand and when they were completely alone, seulgi engulfed taeyong into a big hug that taeyong really needed.

"how are you doing?" she said, chin on taeyong's shoulder. 

"not good... not good at all." 

"alright alright. let's go talk somewhere else." 

they retired to the school field, hiding under the hollow gap on the bleachers. it was damp and warm and uncomfortable but nonetheless, they were alone, albeit, there was the freshmen gym class playing soccer but they were located on the farside of the field. they were safe.

"so you're gay?"

"you heard the recording."

"i needed to hear it from you." 

"yeah, i am."

seulgi let out a sigh before asking "how long have you known?"

"a while... since we were thirteen."

seulgi let out another sigh. a much longer, deeper sigh.

"all that time and you never said anything?" 

"i'm sorry." it was like a reflex. to apologise for everything. 

"why are you apologising?" 

"sorr-" taeyong stopped himself before he could finish when he saw seulgi pull a face. "well, it's because i should have trusted you more, to tell you."

"well you should have." seulgi started in a strong tone. "but i understand. you needed time. i believe you would have told me yourself at some point had the circumstances not occured."

"taeyong, i love you. you know that?" seulgi continued. "i accept you no matter what." 

"taeyong, why are you crying? i only told you i loved you."

"i know i know." taeyong said, swallowing down his sobs. "it's just, thank you. thank you."

"you don't need to thank me. like i said, i love you."

taeyong cried even harder.

 

"so tell me about the photos, what really happened?" seulgi asked once taeyong had composed himself and his tears were dried and discarded. the freshmen gym class left a field and the two migrated to the seats on the bleachers so they were no longer lingering in the humid hideaway underneath.

"it's a long story."

"we've got time." 

 

lunch came about and taeyong isolated himself in the library (despite seulgi's protests) the lunch hall was like the habitat for jerks like the one from earlier, with their shit-eating grins and genius remarks. it wasn't just them. the lunch hall was always crowded and bustling with students, students with eyes that latch onto you like magnets, eyes that are watchful and judging. and combined, this creates a laughing stock out of taeyong. one remark out of some genius' lips and everyone's laughing. 

one remark and taeyong will come crashing down.

it seems that when you're happy and thriving, you're being celebrated for good and being awarded, no one seems to care. but the second you're lower than the pits of the earth, you're not doing well, and you're a fucking mess. suddenly you're acknowledged. everybody's watching. everybody's judging.

you're the subject of everybody's conversation.

taeyong's popular now, 

not in a good way.

taeyong distracted himself with poetry and riddles. eating wasn't allowed in the library so he sat curled up in the poetry section. he read and he also snuck a grape into his mouth every now and then. he wasn't the most inconspicuous. but he also wasn't going to risk leaving the peaceful, safety of the library walls.

"that's a violation of school rules." 

"i'm sorry-" taeyong began until he looked up.

in all his long missed glory, doyoung stood at the end of the poetry section. it was four days since they've been face to face but it had felt like forever. 

"how are you holding up?"

"holding? barely."

"seulgi told me everything. about casper - or jaehyun, about what really happened in the photos. like i said, everything."

"why are you here then?"

"i realised that i was wrong, for once." doyoung began. taeyong rose a brow. "plus, seulgi and irene wouldn't let me sit with them unless i came and found you, which wasn't hard, i mean who else hides away in a library to cry over rupi kaur?" 

"what i'm trying to say is, we were both wrong - i mean i was wrong - i should have trusted you, taeyong."

"i'm sorry too. for keeping secrets. i too, should have trusted you doyoung, i should have told you everything and shouldn't have left you to find out through rumours or someone else."

"yeah, you better be. i really did think you were replacing me." doyoung vented. "no more secrets. now hug me, asshole." 

"way to apologise, shitface."

"take the hug while i'm still offering."

the next day, taeyong eats in the lunch hall. because he's with doyoung and seulgi and irene. they managed to coerce him out of the library with much persuasion. getting taeyong out of the library was like getting a snail out of it's shell. however, taeyong fell weak under pressure and eventually his friends got him to sit at the table and eat the insipid mac n' cheese and stiff fries that the school was serving. 

eyes were still prying and things about taeyong were still being whispered. his name was constantly mentioned. his name was constantly laughed at. it left a terrible taste in his mouth. that, or the  undercooked pasta. his friends thought he could handle it. they convinced taeyong it'd be alright. but none of it was alright.

as time passed, taeyong more and more yearned for his shell that was the library - his hiding place. he wanted to cry like a baby. he wanted to be a baby. because atleast, babies don't have to go to highschool, babies don't get anxiety, babies don't get made fun of. instead everyone coos at them and praises them when all they do is sleep and eat and cry and make friends with inanimate objects. 

every mutter and stare felt like a strike to his walls. taeyong was breaking. sure, he had his friends to hold him up but everything was just too much. highschool was just too much. taeyong stood up and apologised to his friends because everything wasn't alright. they responded with a look of pity but they let him go knowing that it was themselves that brought him out here, to the brutal, judgemental, slaughterhouse of highschool.

taeyong walks to leave the hall. the buzzing of conversation rises.

jaehyun, too, from where he was sat with his entourage of jocks, cheerleaders and friends rises. 

"everyone, listen!"

those two words was all it took to completely silence the school population, because everyone has to listen to what jung jaehyun has to say.

"i want you all to stop bothering lee taeyong. no more whispers. no more jokes." he began with a firmness in his voice that was almost scary. 

"i was the second person in those posts. the recording, that was tampered." he continued. "and for the record, taeyong rejected me."

immediately mumbles and whispers hummed about the lunch hall.

"yes, i'm gay." he said without falter. 

"what about it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never included any of the homophobic stuff people say to taeyong because i'm bad at being mean?? and i'm afraid my sad attempt will ruin the quality of my work and i can't really google 'mean things to say to gay people' 
> 
> so, just imagine what exactly people are saying to taeyong that's causing him to have a mental breakdown.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> change is a terrifying thought.

after jaehyun came out, the school immediately changed their views on taeyong.

because it was jung jaehyun,

the whole school practically worshipped him.

taeyong was still the talk in the hallways. his name was constantly mentioned, his name paired with jaehyun's. ever since then, everyone suddenly cares about taeyong and jaehyun's relationship (or lack thereof) as if they were some tv show drama. jaehyun was used to being talked about, taeyong wasn't. he still flinched when he heard his name tossed around in a conversation. he still lowered his head and walked quickly when he could feel eyes that attached to him like leeches.

"i heard girls talking earlier about how you and jaehyun would make such a cute couple." doyoung apprised, his voice going up an octave as he mocked the said girls. 

"i know you still like him." 

"and so?" taeyong inquired. "you should have seen his face when i turned him down..." he continued in a small voice. 

"there's no way he'll want to talk to me again." 

doyoung scoffed.

"are you kidding me? he came out to the whole school just so people would stop picking on you." doyoung stated. "you, you're so frus-" but he quickly shut his mouth to prevent himself from muttering an insult. they were walking to their last lesson and navigating through the congested corridors, it was nearly the end of the day and the rush to get to their final class increased. the hallways were like clogged arteries. except everyone was walking in different directions, working against each other. making things more difficult.

"the debate club was all offered a school trip to a nearby university." doyoung said as they gave way to some students that still needed to exit their classroom. "it's supposed to give an insight on what taking political science in college is like. for you know, experience."

"no way, you should definitely go." taeyong said. "when is it?"

"next friday." doyoung answered. "my parents don't even want me to take political science, they want me to be a doctor." he grumbled.

"you'd be the worst doctor."

"great, thanks taeyong." doyoung deadpanned.

"it wasn't- i mean, if you were a doctor you'd probably do something to an annoying person out of pettiness." taeyong explained. " 'yes, i swapped your kidney with your heart because you made me come to work when it wasn't even my work hours',"

"i won't deny that." doyoung stiffened.

"hm, exactly." taeyong concluded. "point is, you should go. you're literally the best at debate out of the entire club. without you, the club's just mediocre."

"you're right, i am the best." 

"so, you're going?"

"no." doyoung replied. "i'll sign up if you talk to jaehyun and by talk, i mean in person. face to face. human interaction." 

"what the hell, doyoung?" taeyong questioned, trying to keep his voice down whilst his brows knitted into a frown. "i can't do that..."

"guess the debate club will just have to be mediocre." doyoung said with a dramatized sigh that made taeyong bubble with guilt. 

"fine, fine!" taeyong gave in.

"i'll do it.

i'll talk to jaehyun again,

face to face."

 

"deep breaths." 

taeyong was back at home, sitting in the living room with his butt almost hanging off of the couch. his slippers clapped against the wooden floor incessantly as he tapped his feet. he fiddled with his fingers, threading them in and threading them out of one another.

his graphic print shirt stuck to his skin, sweat was rolling down his temple awfully slow. everything seemed to be going awfully slow. the music on the tv seemed to lag. the square-shaped clock that taeyong never liked was ticking far too slowly. taeyong disliked it because of it's shape. square clocks were unheard of, but taeyong's dad changed that when he came home with a peppy smile and the ugly new clock.

speaking of his dad, his parents were taking too long to get to the living room. taeyong had something to tell them. he spent hours planning what he intended to say. draft after draft, ball of paper after ball of paper that all resulted in taeyong being frustrated and exhausted. but now, now that taeyong's sitting and waiting; he's steaming and shaking and sooner or later he'll erupt into a disarray of incoherent words. 

"you're a mess."

"how observant of you, yerim."

"just saying. mom's just coming downstairs and dad's in the bathroom." she informed. "goodluck, you got this big bro."

"thanks." he answered, throat dry.

soon taeyong was sat opposite his parents who were smiling at their beloved son with expectant looks on their faces. 

they were a very close family. closer than many, albeit, they had a fair share of disagreements. but taeyong's family was the type of family that might appear on tv commercials that advertised life insurance. when people looked at them, they were the perfect family. envied and praised. but when they looked at eachother, they were all each of them could ever ask for. trusted and loved.

taeyong was afraid of changing that. 

he had felt like a little child that broke their toy train and restrained by the thought that if their parents found out, they wouldn't love them anymore, hid the evidence away. change is a terrifying thought. change is new. therefore, it's impossible to know what'll happen as a result. that's what makes change, different. 

the tension in the room was so thick, taeyong could feel himself engulfed by it, like lying in one of those colourful ballpits and letting the millions of hollow, plastic balls swallow you alive. they were fun. but the fun died when taeyong was nine and wasn't allowed to play in them anymore.

"so, you've got the family gathered here." taeyong's dad was the first to break the silence.

"yeah. i've got something to tell you, both." taeyong answered, glancing at yerim who sat on floor of the living room, providing moral support with smiles and soft, encouraging, gestures with her hand.

"what is it?" taeyong's mom asked with a smile. his mother was always so gentle, so understanding, yet strict. she managed to be a perfect mix of those things. 

"let me guess you got someone pregnant." taeyong's dad snapped his fingers. "no, you're pregnant!" he joked.  
taeyong laughed weakly.

"yeah, i'm pregnant..." he relayed the joke awkwardly before shaking his head. 

"actually no, uh-"

"i'm gay." 

there was no disarray of incoherent words, luckily. 

this was nowhere near what taeyong had planned. but, it felt a whole lot better. it was quick. over and done with. just like standing up after lying in the ballpit and letting yourself sink down, the weight that was there was now gone. 

"and i don't want you guys to think any different, i'm still me."

"of course you are." taeyong's mom nodded. "you are still lee taeyong. our son." 

"how long have you known?" taeyong's dad asked, his voice stiff. 

"since i was thirteen..."

"so, that's five years you've known. five years we ate at the same table, five years we lived under the same roof, five years i've made these stupid jokes." 

"all this time, you were hiding this?" his dad queried with an unusually serious edge to his voice. 

taeyong nodded slowly and his dad's eyes were glossy. his mom spoke again,

"i suspected you were hiding something, holding a part of yourself back." she began. "you always looked like you had something to say and when you spoke it never seemed to be everything. but this is you, taeyong. you don't need to hide anymore. i love you just the way you are." she then glanced at her husband for his input who was trying very hard to not let the pools in his eyes spill.

"just give me a moment." 

"taeyong. i know i made all these jokes and teased you, i hope i've never hurt you. you're my son, i can't be mad that that's how you turned out to be. we both love you, no matter what." his dad finally said, crying anyways. 

"dad, are you crying?" yerim questioned, teasingly.

"i'm not crying. i'm not crying!"

"well, let's order food, to celebrate." taeyong's mom suggested.

"pizza?" his dad went.

"with garlic bread and potato wedges?" taeyong continued. his dad smiled, stood up and ruffled his son's hair like he did when he was six. 

"attaboy."

"celebration you say? i'll get out the wine!"

"not so fast, yerim." 

 

taeyong's glowing. suddenly, everything feels so much more better. taeyong doesn't care if people are talking about him. he doesn't care if they're laughing at him. he doesn't care if they're judging him. people can stay hung up on taeyong's sexuality but taeyong won't stay hung up on them; he has better things to worry about. 

he still occasionally got the insult but taeyong just walked it off. taeyong was a little baby candle at first but his fire has spread. a cracking, roaring, array of red and orange. taeyong's walls built a steel layer, secured with screws and bolts. he wasn't going to break. he wasn't going to cave in. he wasn't going to fall apart, not yet.

"look at my boy thriving!" it was ten, dressed more appropriately for school, rather than that shirt he wore at the party that showed alot of chest, he was wearing a dark green button up with the top two buttons undone and black jeans. 

"hey ten!"

"taeyong, how are you feeling?" 

"better, better, much better!" 

ten smiled before his face darkened. he looked much more serious now. nothing like the lively ten that everyone knows. he glanced around the hallway that they were in, it seemed to be too busy for his liking because he then grabbed taeyong by his wrist and dragged him along until they were alone. 

ten brought him to the janitors closet. it wasn't the best idea. the shelves climbed all the way up to the ceiling and there was not a single gap that wasn't loaded with cleaning supplies. even the floor was packed. there were yellow wet-floor signs stacked up in one corner and brooms and mops inside of a bucket in another. a vacuum cleaner was pushed away to the side and it's wires took up most of the floor. not to mention, it was cramped and humid.

"ten, why'd you bring me here?"

"i need to tell you something, about the person who uploaded those photos and outed you." he said. taeyong's eyes grew wide and he eagerly listened on. "the other day, after dance practise, i lingered around for a bit, waiting for my mom to come pick me up."

"i was just walking around the school when i heard two girls talking, brunette and a blonde. i couldn't see their faces though." ten continued. "blonde said she was pissed at jaehyun for revealing that the recording was fake. then her friend asked her about how much she paid to get the recording tampered." 

"how much did she pay?"

"quite alot, actually; seems to have it in for you." 

"can you tell me anything else about her appearance?" taeyong asked, desperate to know who held such a grudge against him.

"as i said, i couldn't see their faces." taeyong shrugged. taeyong sighed, disappointedly. "she was short. shorter than me. her hair went up to her ass, and oh! she had a duffel bag with what i guess was her initials ingraved on the side. an A and a B, i think."

 

"A.B?" 

"amy blake?" seulgi suggested.

"nah, she's ginger. taeyong said blonde." doyoung shook his head. 

"anthony brown?" seulgi gave another suggestion.

"taeyong said it was a girl. a girl, seulgi." irene sighed.

it was now lunch break. ten was with his own friends at their own table but taeyong recited everything ten told him to his friends. neither could fathom why someone would dislike taeyong so much to do such a thing. taeyong never does anything wrong, right? he holds doors open for people and never minds if they don't say 'thank you'. he lets people copy his homework when they ask and always smiles, even if they don't smile back sometimes.

even as a kid, taeyong was far too kind for the world. whilst playing tag he slowed down for those who weren't that fast, shared his candy, and collected the litter. even now, he's still precious, though, a little awkward. 

"look, there's yerim." irene pointed.

"hey taeyong, taeyong's friends." the sophomore greeted with a smile.

"know anyone with butt-length, blonde hair with the initials A.B?" doyoung asked, never one to beat around the bush.

"butt-length, blonde hair with the initials A.B?" yerim reiterated, her brows furrowing in thought before she clicked her fingers.

"alex baker." she said. "why? what'd she do?"

"wait, alex baker?" taeyong repeated.

"yes, alex baker, why?" his sister rose a brow.

"one of the girl that told you to ask me out for her?" 

"what's this about?" yerim asked her brother's friends instead, not getting the answers she wants from him.

"baker outed your bro." seulgi explained and stood up from her seat. "now if you excuse, i'm gonna find her butt-length, blonde hair ass and beat the crap outta her-'

"wait! no one's beating the crap out of anyone." irene stopped the girl, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down onto her seat.

"irene's right." doyoung said. "our revenge should be a bit more sneaky-"

"no, we're not getting revenge." taeyong urged. "i suppose she hates me for rejecting her but if we get any kind of revenge on her she'll have a better reason to hate not just me, but all of us."

irene nodded. seulgi and doyoung groaned in disappointment.

"it's senior year, nearly the end of senior year actually." taeyong continued. "i don't care if she's pressed at the fact i'm gay, or that i rejected her. i doesn't matter anymore that she outed me either. the world was going to know someday either way. she didn't ruin my life, so we're not going to ruin hers."

irene smiled at taeyong like a proud mother. doyoung gagged.

"you sound like a character in a kid show. something goes wrong but at the end there's this big revelation and a lesson learnt." seulgi crossed her arms.

"like pokemon?" yerim rose a brow.

"like pokemon." seulgi concluded.

 

the end of the day came by. taeyong hasn't seen jaehyun all day and now was the time to look for him. taeyong searched and searched and as time flew the amount of people in the hallways decreased as they retired to their afterschool clubs or made their way home. 

for a guy that was popular, he was hard to find.

taeyong started to worry. he wondered if something happened to him. something bad. his anxious thoughts skyrocketed. his heart pounded erratically. and his mind just fought  against him when he tried to think positive. 

taeyong and jaehyun haven't texted, nor have they talked. not since that day. not even an interaction. even when jaehyun stood up for him, jaehyun only spared a glance at him. he uttered his name too, but that was as far as it went.

the hallways were almost completely barren when taeyong caught sight of jaehyun's friends, johnny and yuta. if anyone knew where the latter was, it would be them. taeyong made a dash towards them, tapping the taller on the back to get his attention.

"hm? oh, taeyong!" johnny turned around, yuta followed suit.

"sorry to bother." taeyong said, panting. "do you happen to know where jaehyun is?" 

"ah, you won't find him until friday. he's on a camping trip with his dad." johnny explained. "pretty out of the blue, to be honest, but that's just his family i guess."

"if you want to find him, come to the basketball game on friday." yuta finished for johnny.

"ah, got it. thanks." taeyong nodded. the two basketballers gave the boy friendly smiles before turning on their heels to walk away. he watched yuta walk away, and a lightbulb sparked in taeyong's brain.

"wait! yuta can i speak with you?"

the two looked at one another before johnny said something about waiting in his car and for yuta to go ahead. yuta waved his tall friend off before turning to taeyong.

"sure, what is it?"

"this is so random, i'm sorry, but what happened between you and doyoung?"

yuta visibly tightened in his place. his fists grasped his jeans, creating crease marks. his eyes shifted all over the room, restless and caught off guard by the question.

"he stopped being friends with me." he replied with his lips kept pursed in a straight line.

"that's not what doyoung said. he said you stopped being friends with him."  
taeyong frowned.

"then doyoung told you wrong. he stopped being friends with me." yuta firmly said, getting more and more  
discomforted.

"tell me what happened then, everything."

yuta gave taeyong a look before he let out an annoyed sigh, repressing his frustration and explaining anyways.

"well, i got into the basketball team and kept it a secret. i spent alot of time practising. alot of time without him." yuta began. "i was going to make him attend my first ever game and surprise him. during the time i practised i befriended johnny and jaehyun, guess he thought i was replacing him. and he never went to that basketball game, or any for that matter." the japanese grumbled, screwing the tip of his shoes against the surface of the school's linoleum floors.

"so this has all been a misunderstanding?"

"guess so, are we done here?" yuta snapped.

"let me just ask you this,

do you... want to talk to him again?"

 

"your mom's working nightshift, what do you guys want for dinner?"

taeyong was in the kitchen, laptop set up infront of him and an essay needing to be written glaring through the screen. yerim was watching tv in the living room, as the two rooms were connected and taeyong's dad was fumbling around the kitchen.

"thought you were cooking eggs?" taeyong asked, not even looking up from the laptop screen.

"actually, i was." 

taeyong immediately knew what that meant. his father was an absolute wreck in the cooking department. his pancakes were charcoal black and got stuck in taeyong's throat. his noodles were crunchy and only a quarter of it had flavour. spring rolls were lumpy. rice pudding, askew. not to mention the kitchen always looked like a storm had occurred and there were no survivors.

"pizza!" yerim yelled from the living room.

"not chance. we had pizza only a few days ago! what about you, taeyong?"

"i don't mind."

"chinese food it is." 

the food was later consumed and all that was left were the empty boxes with the red oriental design. yerim went back to her kdramas in the living room and taeyong to his essay on the laptop. he had written a whopping five-thousand words and still needed a terrifying three-thousand words left on  
overpopulation in the world. 

"hey, so since you're gay." taeyong's dad said, wiping the black, marble island counter in the kitchen clean.

"i was thinking, we could sign you up for grindr together."

"you don't know what grindr is, do you?"

"yeah, it's like facebook for gay people."

"not what it is."

 

"thanks for coming with me tonight."

it was finally friday night. the two were at school in the evening, making their way to the hall where the basketball game was taking place. the halls were rumbling with the pre-match cheers of the audience; the last game was always the biggest game of the year.

"no problem. actually, i suddenly had the urge to come to one of these basketball games anyways." doyoung said. taeyong grinned knowingly, but he nodded and continued to act clueless. taeyong was neither a good actor or a good liar but he only needed to fool doyoung for another few minutes. they were just outside of the hall where the game was going to take place. it was their school versus another school from across town.

"hey, glad you could make it!" a happy looking japanese said with a smile that could make plants photosynthesise. his eyes glimmered and so did his skin with the lustre of sweat (which taeyong doesn't understand because the game hadn't started yet).

"yah, doyoung! your laces. you might trip." yuta tutted, getting down on one knee and tying them for the boy before standing up again.

"i'm not a child anymore, i can do them myself!" the other whined. taeyong contained a snigger, covering it up with a cough. 

"go and get some seats before they're all gone. the game starts soon." the japanese advised. "i'll see you later!" he said before jogging off elsewhere. once he was gone it was then taeyong let out a laugh. taeyong was far too obvious and doyoung far too smart.

"you had something to do with this, didn't you?"

"hm! you've been moping around for four years about your old bestfriend. it was about time someone fixed things."

doyoung sighed at his bestfriend before smiling. 

"well, i'm not mad. thank you, taeyong."

"you're welcome, i'm glad you're happy."

the two found seats, second to the front, inbetween a group of very hardcore, freshmen team supporters and a girl who seemed she was just at the game for the food. taeyong instantly got uneasy in his seat. he was going to see jaehyun again. he wasn't sure how he was going to do it. would he shout out jaehyun's name and hopefully jaehyun'll approach him afterwards or will taeyong have to go to him after the game himself? 

taeyong anxiously chewed his fingernails until doyoung slapped his hand away.

"don't do that, idiot." 

"i'm sorry, i'm just-"

"nervous?" doyoung interjected. "chill. remember slow, deep breaths. you're seeing jaehyun again, not meeting royalty."

"he's perfect enough to be royalty..." taeyong mumbled quietly but doyoung heard and doyoung gagged.

"save the cheesy, gross stuff for when you talk to jaehyun, thanks." doyoung said. "and, let me remind you that there's no backing out. we made a deal."

the game started soon after. the home team entered through the doors, dressed proudly in their yellow and green basketball jerseys, relishing in the cheers of their schoolmates and supporters and making themselves look larger and louder than the opposing team did when they made their entry earlier.

everyone was smiling. but there was a hitch in jaehyun's smile that hurt taeyong's heart.

like a movie. a happy movie where the characters dance and sing and smile and everything is pristine. but then the movie buffers. there's that pause. where the happy movie isn't playing. there's just quiet and you're reminded that not everything is as happy as the movie displayed. 

that's how it felt for taeyong, watching jaehyun.

taeyong watched. he watched when the ball was thrown up into the air and jaehyun sprung up and claimed it. he watched how he searched for an open person to toss to. pure concentration and focus strictly on his face. he watched as he stretched his lips into another forced smile when johnny scored a basket and during their one-armed bro hug when they passed by eachother. 

he saw jaehyun tackle the ball. he saw jaehyun shoot,

and then he saw jaehyun fall. 

a player on the opposing team had jumped to stop the ball from going into the hoop. he succeeded. the bouncy, piece of maroon rubber ricocheted elsewhere on the court. in turn, the opposing player stumbled and brought jaehyun down with him. except, he got back up a short moment later, and jaehyun stayed down.

taeyong was immediately on his feet. brushing off doyoung's arm on his wrist that tried to hold him back, he ran onto the court. already, most of the team and the opposing team had mustered into a ring around jaehyun to see what was wrong. taeyong tried to push through, it wasn't easy. compared to the much taller basketballers (with yuta being an exception) taeyong was a little child. 

he managed to thread through the bodies and arms, despite constantly being resisted. when he reached the centre, jaehyun was laying on his back, arms cradling his ankle and his glossy face contorted into a look of agony. 

"you, seo! get jung to first aid!" their coach demanded. johnny nodded immediately, gently swinging jaehyun's arm over his shoulder as support. 

"wait, johnny, can i follow?" 

it seemed that johnny hadn't even noticed taeyong's presence. he glanced to taeyong, then to his coach and back to taeyong before indicating a 'yes'. jaehyun didn't say anything when the two lifted him off of the ground and held him up as they rushed to first aid, just outside of the hall. the nurse checked his ankle, soothed it with ice and wrapped it with a bandage. it wasn't until the nurse left the trio did jaehyun finally speak. 

"johnny, can i talk to taeyong alone?"

"ah, of course. you'll be alright, jaehyun?"

"i will, thanks man."

now the moment had come, taeyong had nothing to say. his throat felt dry and unproductive. jaehyun's eyes searching him didn't help. 

"so, you finally came to one of my games." jaehyun said, as if he hadn't just caused taeyong a massive scare.  
"i didn't exactly plan the whole falling and twisting my ankle spectacle. but with everything before that, did i impress you?"

"i can't believe that's what you're talking about right now." taeyong exhaled. "you scared me. you didn't look... yourself before the game and during the game you got hurt, what happened?"

"i fell."

"before that, what happened?"

there was a short moment of silence. where jaehyun's eyes bore into taeyong's soul. they could hear the hum of the lights, the whirring of the fan that the nurse turned on earlier and the sound of eachother's breathing.

"i came out to my dad."

"oh." 

"i was on a camping trip with him, that's why i was gone for a while. i thought that was the best time to tell him and i did. but then, the whole time it was so fucking awkward. when he dropped me back off at my mom's house, he told me not to contact him anymore." jaehyun said. "my dad's an asshole anyways, it's not a surprise why my parents divorced."

"i'm sorry." there was that reflex again, that dumb reflex of apologising for everything, even if it wasn't his fault.  
there was another brief minute of  
stillness. 

"taeyong, i really like you, still." the room was so quiet, jaehyun's words seemed to echo.

don't fuck up now, lee taeyong.

"i really like you too." 

"and you're good?"

"yes, i've learnt, that it doesn't matter about what people think of me. at the end of the day, i'm happy and content with myself." taeyong nodded. the corner of jaehyun's lips pulled into a small smile and his deep brown pools met with taeyong's eyes. 

"let's go cheer on the team. it'll be stupid to try and play like this." he said, gesturing to his wrapped up ankle. taeyong merely nodded, but jaehyun didn't move. his eyes seemed to be staring. searching. 

"what are you waiting for?" 

"the right moment." he answered just before leaning in.

it was gentle, the contact between jaehyun and taeyong's lips. jaehyun kissed taeyong, and at a slow pace too for the latter. he was patient, letting taeyong adjust. his hands roamed no further than taeyong's face, thumbs drawing circles on his cheekbones. as taeyong got comfortable his hands had gradually trailed up his arm until he rested them comfortably around his neck. 

taeyong's imagined his first kiss many times before; he was always the hopeless romantic. sure, there were definitely no glistening fireworks or a melodic love song suddenly playing. instead, they were sitting on an infirmary bed, with a basketball game going on outside and with a nurse bound to return any minute.

but jaehyun was so delicate and at the same time he made taeyong forget how to breathe.

it was easy to forget where they were.

"how're you feeling?"

"out of breath... but,

can you kiss me again?"

 

jaehyun looks even better in the sunlight, taeyong thinks, if that's even possible. especially when the wind blows his bangs back and his forehead's on show. when the sun's rays hit jaehyun's face, jaehyun glows.  
taeyong still can't process how ethereal jaehyun is.

taeyong also can't process that he's walking and holding hands with this ethereal being.

he can't stop smiling. like a little kid, giddy with excitement because their mother just told them they'd visit the toy store on their way home. 

"so, explain 'seoulboy' to me." 

taeyong hummed.

"my mom's from seoul." he started. "honestly, i was lacking any kind of creative flow when i made that username." 

"no, it's okay. i like it." jaehyun reassured.

"how about you, casper?" taeyong asked. "it's not got anything to do with casper the friendly ghost right?"

"actually." jaehyun began, suppressing a chuckle. "it does. it's a nickname johnny came up with, only close friends call me that."

"should i call you that then?"

"no, i think you're entitled to call me a different nickname." jaehyun said with a devilish smirk that could make taeyong black out, right there, on the spot. "how about, 'babe'?"

 

they arrived at their destination, taeyong's house, the latter needing a few seconds before knocking on the door to cool his scarlet face and to fix his dishevelled hair and swollen lips. 

taeyong glared at jaehyun once he was done.

"what did i tell you about making out where the neighbours can-

mom! dad!"

the sudden click and clack of the front door unlocking and the door groaning open halted taeyong. a realization that the door wasn't soundproof had taeyong blushing furiously again but jaehyun just smiled innocently. it didn't help either that his two parents were grinning knowingly and he thinks his dad just winked at jaehyun.

"mom, dad." taeyong repeated. "this is jaehyun,

 

my boyfriend."

 

 

the table in the lunch hall that taeyong and his friends had claimed had three new faces, jaehyun, yuta and johnny.  
jaehyun didn't want to be friends with the other people in his old entourage anymore, ever since he stopped, jaehyun's popularity deteriorated and people stopped attaching themselves to his every word and walk. jaehyun seemed to prefer it that way, anyways. 

when the bell signalling lunch rang and reverberated through the halls, taeyong stepped out of class and was immediately greeted by the sight of his boyfriend waiting for him outside of his classroom. 

they lined up to get the cafeteria food, even though cook linda was wearing those ugly, blue plastic nails (with some missing on a few fingers). they decided to take the risk and prayed hard that they wouldn't find any blue acrylics in their spagetti. 

usually, when they get back to their table, they'd probably see yuta and doyoung amidst another one of their playful banter; stealing eachother's food or bullying one another. instead, the table was quiet. there was just yuta and a sleeping doyoung. 

"does he look uncomfortable to you? i think he looks uncomfortable." was the first thing the japanese said when the couple took their seats. "i'm gonna just gently move his head." he uttered before moving the sleeping boy's head from lying on his crossed arms and onto yuta's shoulder. "that looks better."

"what happened?" jaehyun questioned, followed by the hissing sound of him opening his can of soda.

"something about debate, right? he had new material to revise." taeyong answered for yuta, who smiled and nodded in confirmation.

"yeah, he revised all night. bless." 

"he's very devoted." taeyong stated. "he'd make a good lawyer."

"but a terrible doctor." yuta sniggered.

soon after, johnny, seulgi and irene arrived and the table was officially packed. they had to be the loudest table in the hall, well, atleast one of the loudest tables (a group of freshmen with one particular chinese transfer student had them at a close second). 

with johnny making a joke every second followed by the group's hearty laughter, the lunch hall didn't seem like the brutal, judgemental, slaughterhouse that taeyong thought it was days ago. 

change is a terrifying thought.

and taeyong welcomes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i most likely won't write a sequel or an epilogue.  
> also, i really wanted to write in the ending doyoung coming out as bi and dating yuta but i just didn't know how to fit that in. 
> 
> just to make it clear, taeyong and doyoung grew up together but doyoung's bestfriend was always yuta until highschool and certain events happened.
> 
> i guess this is it? thanks for those who read until the end and those who kindly left kudos and comments, i really really appreciate them !! 
> 
> uh ,, my twt is @p5perplane but i all i do is retweet stuff, but if you want to ask me any questions or just to be friends go right ahead !!
> 
> once again, thank you all for reading !!


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